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i really wish i could sing like carole king, rachael yamagata or the girl in redefined who sings "traveling solider". right now allie and i are each curled up with our laptops watching stepmom on TBS. i love it.

random times like tonight when the "original 4" happen to congregate in the same place at the same time for an hour of good talk, this is my favorite. it's tough enough to PLAN times when everyone is free to chill, even though we all live feet away from each other, so it makes my day when it's unexpected. it's amazing all of the unconscious factors that it takes to have a "good talk" with someone. it's not talking AT people or competing for attention with stories or talking to hear your own voice or attempting to force a conversation, it's great.

today i learned that the situations that make me the most uncomfortable are the ones where someone i know fairly well is joking around with and insulting me at the same time, throwing in just enough vague sarcasm and cruelty that i don't know which one it is and how to respond.

i very much want to think that i am honest with myself and others, but who am i kidding? i can make myself sick by speaking about honesty when i project images all the time and try/want to create this certain AMAZING picture of myself. the whole thing is exhausting, but for some reason, i make myself believe that it's worth it.

and i have no nice conclusion. however, i do have a desire to take time before grad school and a job to live somewhere else, work for ASP?, read all of these MILLIONS of books that i only read ABOUT. ah, it seriously drives me crazy. alright, tomorrow = design portfolio work, lgbt workshop, korean typing test, cancelled afternoon class happiness, sex & the city. i'm asleep!