change of a color

why does my mind insist that the absolute epitome of idiodicy is bad spelling? alright, now super paranoid about making multiple spelling errors...

for the next week or so, i have no friends. College stole them all away, making for a very project-driven leah that refuses to admit to loneliness. current projects include: reading "middlesex" and "a million little pieces", starting/finishing a brilliant 800-word long-shot scholarship essay, painting the entire basement SWEET OLIVE, and relearning korean 1 CD at a time.

aside from the friend depravation thing, something else has placed a huge pit at the bottom of my stomach. ah, tears and movies are my therapy for this awkward panic that has set in. it's such a wonderful thing to be able to pass off real crying for laughing really hard or being sad during a sad movie. i blame this current state of distress on two specific excesses: 1) worrying about the future and 2) watching season 2 of 24. both are psychologically draining, but really do not accomplish anything. more often than not, i envy my parents and my sister who have their lives figured out for the next 10some years. why am i not embracing this indecision and limitless opportunity that comes with being an extremely lucky 20-year-old?

that humps song by the black eyed peas won't get out of my head. um, torture yeah. i've gotten into the habit of taking post-dinner naps from about 7-10pm and then roaming the house until i fall asleep or finish all of the Fresca in the fridge... which usually happens around 3am. painting + loud music will continue tomorrow morning at 11am sharp in the basement! now off to party, or sit and read quietly.