how to save a life

this morning i didn't take a shower just so i could sleep in for an extra 20 minutes. it was one of the best choices that i have made for myself this entire week. it is windy out, my limbs ache, and i think i have a bug in my ear, but even still, i can't help myself from smiling. i think it's because my little academic clubs have started, the ones that actually do things and help people. or maybe it's the tube... tonight's schedule: survivor, grey's, six degrees. all so good. or maybe it's my very sweet roommates who keep me laughing.

this week especially, i feel as if i am grappling with things that most people have already figured out and defeated well before their twenties. insecurities of normalcy and the question of personal achievement still haunt me. on tuesday after an info session, i had a 24-hour obsession with winning a truman scholarship before i graduate. this short-lived life goal pretty much represented my frantic desperation to do something, to not be anonymous, to have a purpose... i felt like i had to conquer the world right then and there. thank god, now i have found my common sense and come to terms with the fact that i will not conquer the world. or at least not anytime soon.

now i am fray-ing out (oh i wish i had snagged tickets to their orpheum concert) and feeling really really in love.