i eat shoes for breakfast

today it actually felt like halloween! randomly, this afternoon i was craving skittles like no other. i don't think i've eaten a single skittle since at least middle school, let alone indulged on any other pure candy bar item, which is pretty sad. so, during a break in our design lab this afternoon, amanda and i skipped down (quite literally) to the vending machines with our one dollar bills in hand. amanda decided on peanut m&m's, of which i approved, and i pushed the buttons of my skittles choice... resulting in not 1 but 2 shiny red bags dropping down! the only other time that candy has made me that happy (and too-many-sweets sick) is on childhood halloweens. i just finished up making real gourmet stovetop popcorn and reminiscing with the roomies about the brightly colored, syrup-covered popcorn balls that they used to sell for halloween in grocery stores. so difficult to eat, but so so cool.

even though i am saying goodbye to another pair of shoes (below), i feel a fresh start coming on as i look forward to the future of a possible job THAT PAYS with the conversational english tutoring program, my trips to guatemala this winter and china this summer, YAYA SO EXCITED, and tonight's sleep.



apparently, my left foot is made of lead (refer to previous picture of destroyed flip-flop WITH HOLE IN LEFT HEEL)! why can't i walk? please help.

this week in music = the postal service and johnny cash

thumbs and stars

movie review catch-up day! these are from last weekend, but i have been too busy to really think about them until now.

hard candy (A)
i really really liked this movie. it is about a pedophile and a very sick (as in twisted) teenage girl, but it's still great from beginning to end. there is really no other movie out there (that i know of) quite like this one, so if you're willing to brave a bit (and i mean lots) of violence and psychological trauma, go for it!

the prestige (B)
this movie is one of those that makes you go "hmmmm" afterwards for a good 30 minutes. the plot line is good up until the end and it has a good number of hotties in it, but in the end this movie just reminded me of a cooler movie with the same concept ("primer"). it also made me think about my childhood magic trick phases when all i wanted was those little KLUTZ (?) kits. you know, the books that aren't really books but more like toys with books attached to them. it also made me think deeply about contradictions and why we are obsessed with them, but i forgot why.

friends with money (B+)
i love catherine keener! this movie was ironic and depressing enough, but go see nicole holofcener's other, older movie "lovely and amazing" because that movie is fantastic!

more to come this weekend!
tonight we were driving around madison to all of the halloween shops and let me tell you, they were absolutely PACKED. we had to illegally make up our own parking spots because there weren't any spaces left in the lots. i feel like halloween costumes are turning into real... clothes? there are some $100 costumes that you'd definitely have to wear again just to get your money's worth. damn. but seriously, elaborate formal dresses and real wigs? hand me the scotch tape and wal-mart hair dye!

od on tv night

finally, i have completely assimilated back into american fashion, that is, plain and square! my birks, my bulky/lumpy down coat (i'm not a fan), and my ill-fitting ae jeans. unfortunately, i do not have a korean wardrobe that can handle the freezing temperatures. it's so funny to think that when i was in korea, i felt so awkwardly american. people could immediately recognize us as americans simply by our blah clothing. then, when i came back from korea and started to sport my new uber-girly korean dresses and cutesy hair clips, i felt awkward all over again and basically, like a total fob. too american in korea and too korean in america, ah! i am so displaced.

next week is halloween. i am actually panicking about not having a costume idea yet! even though halloween is not exactly my cup of tea, i will still go to goodwill this weekend and have fun trying on smelly clothes anyway.

Q: why was the blonde furious when she got her driver's license?

A: because she got an F in sex.

wow, it's been a while since i've written a good steady stream of entries. i still wish i could write everyday, but you know, things happen. the above joke is what was on the birthday card that my parents gave me. i felt like i couldn't really laugh fully at it when i actually opened it in front of them, but it's pretty funny. that card was pretty much the only funny thing about my birthday, as it was not a very happy birthday at all. there are several reasons why, and i am going to list them because i have not quite gotten over them yet (and also because i simply enjoy torturing myself by dwelling on the past!):

-forgot wallet at school and was not allowed to participate in the obligatory midnight purchase of alcohol... pathetically sulked with my nada colada instead
-my family was not in a celebration mood and all forgot to wish me happy birthday until i reminded them. there was no singing or big display of presents... there was only 1 card and 1 too-large long-sleeved cotton shirt. maybe i still believe myself to be 5 years old and greedy as all heck, but i was a little disappointed.
-saw the worst movie EVER: "man of the year" (what the hell was that?)
-had mid-life crisis the whole weekend with a non-stop series of REOs (random emotional outbreaks)
-started my birthday day at 8am very unwildly and soberly at church

for the first time ever, madison (or rather, campus) seems more like home than home. obviously, my trip to rochester home was a little less than enjoyable. i can pretty much guarantee you 100% that next year's birthday will turn out better, because i doubt it could have gone any worse. in an attempt at optimism, i have decided to be like everyone else and just not remember my 21st birthday at all. however, i do remember last night, my birthday day-after, which was 100x better. i got to see my vassar friend, mandy, who is visiting for her fall break, and have a korea reunion with the other ewha boys, mark and bou. there was much drinking and reminising (best done together), and i really really love those people.

so, my emotions have gone haywire for now and i don't know what to do. i really don't. some days i am so content with being me and making mistakes and relearning, but other days i find myself wanting to collapse in the middle of the sidewalk while walking to class. i always cringe when people say that they "don't understand how people can do that or be that way" when we all manifest Crazy in our own ways. i am excellent for now, but can't help but be very very fearful for the future.

i love all of you who keep me going and inspired.

cha cha cha

in english class we've been watching good movies! i'm pretty sure we're watching them just to have some good writing material, and it is great. one of the films we watched was "28 up" (i think "49 up" just came out in theaters), a british documentary that interviews a fairly diverse group of people every seven years of their lives at ages 7, 14, 21, 28, etc. i think they're creating an american version of this series as well. of course, britian thinks of all the good ideas and then america steals them. overall, it was an entertaining film that presented issues of class and gender in the 60s/70s and it had pretty cute moments with these 7-year-old kids' reactions to questions about marriage and dating and so on. while watching these people grow up and hearing their goals and thoughts along the way, the film pretty much concludes that an individual's personality is fully formed at age 7. it was a little sobering to see all of these little 7-year-olds chatting enthusastically into the camera while explaining their hopes and dreams for the future, like becoming an astronaut or firefighter or president, and then to see them end up in crummy situations. it was obvious that the children were growing up and "facing reality" as the upper class kids who said they would probably go to oxford and get high-up jobs did go to oxford and get high-up jobs as adults- difficult to see the fun in that. this film really made me wonder where i've come since age 7 and if i have lost too many of my idealistic dreams, even though i'm pretty sure i still really really enjoy macaroni and cheese and still really really want to meet shamu at sea world.

my birthday is now in 3 days. my birthday. this date used to produce so much excitment and happiness... visions of pink-frosted cake and shiny wrapping paper and family gathered around singing to you. every once in a while, thinking about the past (conveniently measured in birthdays) makes me a bit queasy, simply because i am reminded of the huge amount of potential that we all had. actually, what makes me more queasy is that all of our potential is now slowly but surely disappearing as we're now assumed to walk the walk, make use of ourselves, and meet expectations. this is juvenile and sophomoric, which i am, but i need to make this list.

what makes me feel grown-up:
*making appointments (specifically haircuts)
*writing checks at stores
*holding keys
*talking to strangers
*riding elevators

this recent winter weather has kind of ruined plans. luckily, today i have to brave the cold for only one class. i should have really spent this last half hour, okay hour, okay 2 hours, studying. whatevs. i will soon be home and get to see pretty much all of my friends, use my free noodles birthday dinner gift certificate, and grab ALL OF MY WINTER CLOTHES + COAT.

under the influence

movies to see:
*fast food nation
*marie antoinette
*hard candy
*jesus camp
*the science of sleep
*friends with money
*tennis anyone?
*a prairie home companion
*half nelson
*24: season 5

i just completed a mediocre mini-paper for my english class on people/places/things that have influenced my life and my values. it was pure torture. as of late, i feel so un-influenced by anything and disgustingly dormant. i love how i always read dormant as doormat. i feel as if i am trying my darnest to be proactive and take-charge about life, but in reality, i am sitting here on my arse without a clue. all i know now is that i'm going to be seeing a whole heck of a lot of movies this weekend (see above list). whew.

today my 30000000-hour lab for sketching & rendering was cancelled, so i had approximately 30000000 hours of free time on my hands. i tired to use the time to relax with yoga, hot chocolate, delicious steaming hot hamburger helper, and a nap, but to no avail. it was so frustrating that i gave up and instead, stared at my computer for a good couple of mind-numbing hours. thank god tonight was TV NIGHT, which is when it is mandatory that i burrow up in my down blanket with popcorn and fresca and the roomies and get all riled up about fabricated earth-shattering events. LOVE IT.

did you know that in two weekends it is my 21st birthday? wow is all i can say. i really haven't given much thought to it, but 21 is a good number.

the hot day

this morning i listened to my new favorite song on repeat the entire waaaay to class (and then some) and it was really great. realization: i am very self-aware when walking across crosswalks. i think it's because it feels to me like a runway of sorts? oh, the sunshine and street sounds and ipod music and flowy skirts and walking determinedly with a destination in mind. the whole crowd of admirers in their cars! yeahyeah, the whole day felt really really busy and i wanted to go to sleep when i got home at 7 o'clock. instead, i made myself a mega-dinner, which included every single carb in the kitchen. and that's never really a good idea.

this afternoon i was supposed to tutor my second session for conversational english at 2 but i thought it was 3 and realized around 2:30. poor hsaio-chi! we eventually got to meet. i tried to buy her ice cream to make up for it, but the only american food she really likes is McDonald's. this time wasn't nearly as difficult as the first time (thank god) when i didn't know what the heck i was doing. hsaio-chi is so cute. she asked me if "fine" is an OK response to the "hi how are you?" question because she said that sometimes people look at her funny when she answers. compared with the average person, she is extremely blunt, which i enjoy and attribute to the culture difference.

so tonight was kind of terrible for 30 minutes. i was trying to find some of my old old old pictures and i discovered that my old school MSN group was automatically deleted due to long-term neglect. ahh! all of my pictures from years 17-19 lost. who knows where they are now? i have now accepted the fact that i might never see any of those snapshot memories ever again, but i suppose, let's face it... they were mostly taken on our bored nights at the perkin's on broadway. the unforgettable (old) perkin's!

alright, this is a less than stellar reflection on a day in the life, but it's semi-late and hot out.

my mighty return to movie-watching this weekend included "v for vendetta" (A) and "hollywoodland" (B-). i managed to enjoy and get creeped out by both. YAYA MOVIES!