for lack of a better word

cereal at midnight is heaven. i swear, real heaven.

this is HILARIOUS for approximately 1 minute long.

newfound obsession with weblinks!

hot damn

yesterday i received two of the best e-mails EVER and today my backpack weighed a whopping 60 pounds, or at least the equivalent of 1 small (and plump) child.

sometimes i wish there were no locations and instead, everyone could float around together. even though i've been thinking about this for the past week, i'm still not quite sure exactly how the logistics would go, but i know that you would never have to worry about being too far from or too close to certain people. there would be no "there" separating all of us. there would just be a "here". hm, i am essentially describing earth without gravity? or is that the universe?

i want to be everywhere. it's those sudden and random urges to go whale-watching in alaska and drive a bazillion hours to see rain, the korean version of justin timberlake, in concert.

also, i feel the urge to gather all of my money together and splurge on dresses like this and this.

mirabelle buttersfield

great inspiration during mid-morning showers = yes!

for some reason, i have been looking forward to the SAG awards forever... which prompts me to create a new and exciting list of movies to see when i have no homework/over the summer:

match point
junebug
hustle & flow
breakfast on pluto
transamerica
the constant gardener
north country
in her shoes
cache (hidden)

to hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

yesterday afternoon around 2 o'clock, my e-mail account reached its maximum capacity (100 MB). this sad fact, which was sent in an e-mail, forced me to delete over 50 of my most favorite e-mails. it's like saving all of the really good (or really bad) phone messages and christmas letters and valentines from 3rd grade, and then having someone make you chuck to them into a fire pit. i'm sure there is another way to store these short and sweet to long and rambly electronic pieces of mail, but i do not know it. please tell me if you know how. moral of the story, deleting e-mails is tough and should definitely not take you more than three hours!

being hungry for non-existent intermission snacks while sitting on a cold church pew for a couple hours is only worth it when you get to see STENSON and his nordic chior perform. it's really nice to be able to listen to beautiful hymns and live chior music once in a while. you know, a good switch up from the kelly clarkson and la vie boheme. but honestly, it was beautiful music.

sometimes, like now, i get in moods where i like to seriously doubt the concept that everyone is unique. bla, maybe that's a product of browsing your friends' friends' friends facebook profiles for too long. amy will be gone until tomorrow, so i get to stay in my pjs all day and take over the room with my music and crap! muahaha. that was meant to be an evil laugh sound, but it looks more like a laughing while kissing sound. i'm glad it's raining out!

top 2 movies that still get to me no matter how many times i watch them: peter pan (with the hot 12-year-old) & garden state

double-cuffing is back

my textile science class was just cancelled and lots of people were like "AWESOME!" but i was more like "bla, i just planned my whole day around getting to this class on time, blabla." but hey, cancelled classes are always (usually) a good thing! before going to the cancelled class, i had to collect flyers for my web design class, and by collect, i mean rip them off kiosks and look like a freak. that was fun, especially in the wind. although it is way too chilly and i dislike bundling up like a hot dog and scurrying around for shelter, windy weather never fails to make me feel like a supermodel.

i'm going to try to write more and more often and see where that takes me. it's nice to have a recollection of your doings and feelings of the day before they're forgotten. this morning at the open book cafe i sat across from a guy peeling string cheese onto his sandwich. at the time, i thought it was one of the most amazing things i'd ever seen.

"i can't believe i don't drink or do drugs. if i weren't me, i'd totally think that's all i ever did." -my art friend, lauren

i'm impressed, well i'm in love

i cannot wait to see "shopgirl" next weekend and "undiscovered" (THE NEW ASHLEE SIMPSON MOVIE! OMG!!!) tomorrow morning when i wake up.

this week has been a big fat failure, leaving me with with socially awkward moments, false bad news and freaking out, a severely burned right arm, and a massively bruised left leg. on the other HAND, this weekend has been fun times a billion. i was laughing so hard last night that my abs were sore today. i love that. we ran up and down the halls screaming about genital warts and the like. uh, what can i say? i love that too.

lately it seems like my life is plowing full speed ahead (in a good way), but my heart isn't in it. hm, something to do with the fact that i am not who i want to be, or even, who i really am. this fact is incredibly gross to me. and here i am, complaining about life and living when my friend's dad has recently died. she bravely came back to the dorms yesterday to pick up her things before leaving us for the rest of the semester. i hugged her and complimented her new haircut. maybe i should have said "i'm sorry" or "hang in there" or another choice phrase, but right then, it didn't really seem appropriate. i cannot even imagine.

i just watched "cruel intentions" and talked to scott and found the word QUINZEE and now am listening to "colorblind" on repeat. sometimes sitting here at my little laptop with some down time and barefeet makes me feel very whole.

you lose because

i feel as if i should be ending a semester, rather than beginning one again. i'm not sure i am ready for a second round quite yet. in any case, this semester is my SCIENCE semester. i have devoted myself to sine graphs and valence electrons for the next four months! as much as i am grumbling about the restart of school, this science stuff has proven itself interesting so far (a day). this little jolt into the world of logic and concrete answers feels good and needed. for now, solving for the velocity of a ball flying through the air is much more comforting and less terrifying than flinging emotions every which way onto paper and never knowing any answers.

i don't know why commericals must insist on taking perfectly good songs and completely ruining them by taking their lyrics out of context and slapping them together with a product. the postal service for m&ms, switchfoot for victoria's secret, and five for fighting for a credit card company... come on now. it ruins it for everyone, so please, just stop.

also, i don't know why i am losing facebook friends. ah help!

michelle wie and hugh butt

my new heroes inspire me to do the following: get my ears pierced, grow taller, create nude sculptures, and appreciate hobbies.

to celebrate the latest spring-like weather trends here in the midwest, i like to throw on my favorite skirt and meet erin for late lunches. the other day i drove around with sunglasses and sun warmth and danced to the gorillaz song on the radio, feeling young and cool for the first time in a while. a little sun does wonders.

after watching whale rider, i missed that type of tradition that i was never born with. these people (american indian vs. native american, same diff?) worshipped whales, which automatically makes them cool in my book. granted the entire plot is based on challenging the ancient patriarchal traditions, their culture of inheritance and ceremony and chants that i could never master is most admirable. in comparison, the traditions that i call traditions seem "empty and overhyped", reflecting on this recent christmas when i demanded that we make real mashed potatoes.

the other movie i watched with whale rider was pretty persuasion with evan rachael woods. she scares me so much. even with cute ron livingston and jay leno's recommendation, i did not enjoy this movie. it was sickening to see the artsy brutal reality of dysfunctional families and uber-bitchy girls pushed to the extreme and still supposed to be seen as, somehow, art.

so, back to school. maybe that explains the out-of-sort-ness i've been experiencing lately. my brain is rejecting the idea of its not-so-distant future use. but first, hearing em make an HD reference in her sermon tomorrow morning (oh i wish) and a lot of laundry loads.

i've given up on grown-up books for now. gossip girl #8 has sex in every chapter!

change of a color

why does my mind insist that the absolute epitome of idiodicy is bad spelling? alright, now super paranoid about making multiple spelling errors...

for the next week or so, i have no friends. College stole them all away, making for a very project-driven leah that refuses to admit to loneliness. current projects include: reading "middlesex" and "a million little pieces", starting/finishing a brilliant 800-word long-shot scholarship essay, painting the entire basement SWEET OLIVE, and relearning korean 1 CD at a time.

aside from the friend depravation thing, something else has placed a huge pit at the bottom of my stomach. ah, tears and movies are my therapy for this awkward panic that has set in. it's such a wonderful thing to be able to pass off real crying for laughing really hard or being sad during a sad movie. i blame this current state of distress on two specific excesses: 1) worrying about the future and 2) watching season 2 of 24. both are psychologically draining, but really do not accomplish anything. more often than not, i envy my parents and my sister who have their lives figured out for the next 10some years. why am i not embracing this indecision and limitless opportunity that comes with being an extremely lucky 20-year-old?

that humps song by the black eyed peas won't get out of my head. um, torture yeah. i've gotten into the habit of taking post-dinner naps from about 7-10pm and then roaming the house until i fall asleep or finish all of the Fresca in the fridge... which usually happens around 3am. painting + loud music will continue tomorrow morning at 11am sharp in the basement! now off to party, or sit and read quietly.

second grace

since friday, i have been in a bizzare state of mind that can only be characterized as bacardi razz warmth and a sleep schedule similar to a denny's bartender perhaps. in sum, i am exhausted.

top 21 of 2005
1. panera talks
2. kelly clarkson's "breakaway"
3. the best thai resturant ever
4. gourmet vegatarian pizza
5. sabrina ward harrison
6. 18x24" charcoal drawings
7. the SPAM museum
8. going digital
9. pride & prejudice
10. done with freshman year
11. the wedding
12. decorating at wee hours
13. the OC, season 1
14. new black eyeliner
15. bus rides to suffolk road
16. sociology 160
17. my sister
18. dancing to the killers
19. "OH god."
20. ny times magazine
21. lake mendota