above: my beloved flip flops that are slowly but surely disintegrating. note the HOLE forming on the left one.
below: my new anthropologie shoes! i ordered them 5 minutes ago as a birthday present to myself, unless i can convince someone to pay me for them as a gift... perhaps i will sucker my mother into it. next hurdle: upgrading the cell phone.
this morning i didn't take a shower just so i could sleep in for an extra 20 minutes. it was one of the best choices that i have made for myself this entire week. it is windy out, my limbs ache, and i think i have a bug in my ear, but even still, i can't help myself from smiling. i think it's because my little academic clubs have started, the ones that actually do things and help people. or maybe it's the tube... tonight's schedule: survivor, grey's, six degrees. all so good. or maybe it's my very sweet roommates who keep me laughing.
this week especially, i feel as if i am grappling with things that most people have already figured out and defeated well before their twenties. insecurities of normalcy and the question of personal achievement still haunt me. on tuesday after an info session, i had a 24-hour obsession with winning a truman scholarship before i graduate. this short-lived life goal pretty much represented my frantic desperation to do something, to not be anonymous, to have a purpose... i felt like i had to conquer the world right then and there. thank god, now i have found my common sense and come to terms with the fact that i will not conquer the world. or at least not anytime soon.
now i am fray-ing out (oh i wish i had snagged tickets to their orpheum concert) and feeling really really in love.
today while walking back from my last class, i uttered the words: "i am kind of bored with life right now" inside of my head. then i realized that it was true, which is pretty darn depressing. i have prided myself on never allowing myself to be bored for the past 20 years. i told myself that i would slap my children if they ever complained of boredom. i do not get bored! so, after some good old-fashioned logical thinking... i realized that i really have no idea what is going on... so i suppose, we'll just watch what happens. wow, i should have my own BRAVO show. even with as much TV love as i have, i definitely do not expect my life to be one big emmy-winning drama with stimulation every second of the day. but really, i am not looking forward to much of anything these days besides maybe season premieres. i know, it's terrible!
maybe this can be remedied by something simple. a good book? an enlightening lecture? a new hobby? a punch in the face? something, anything to bring me back to the world of interesting things!
i have had 3 spinach salads within the past week, which means that i should be so much more afraid of getting e.coli than i actually am. but who gets e.coli? oh yeah, like a dozen people i know in madison.
reasons to become famous:
academy awards
can attend all major tennis tournaments
free dresses
in the most affectionate words of scott, i have become a media whore. so true. i swear that television did not used to thrill me that much! my family didn't even get cable until i was in high school. oh crazy, cocaine-like television. right now i am most excited about project runway and survivor: cook islands. as project runway is wrapping up, survivor is just beginning! project runway is just flat-out entertaining. the house will make dress cookies for the finale! i still don't know who i want to win. they are all great and OK in their own ways. on the other hand, the asians on survivor are already kicking ass. i never thought this day would come... but i really do love participating (lots) in this reality tv fad. the other day i saw these elementary-age kids entertaining themselves by sliding down their backyard hill on used paper grocery bags. it was so cute. and also, comforting to know that just because i've become a tv-obsessed maniac doesn't mean everyone has.
there are many things in life that i find stressful simply based on the fact that they are meant to be relaxing. i am almost intimidated or pressured by their guarantee to instant relaxation. i am probably crazy, but don't you know what i mean? to name a few: bubble baths, hot chocolate, music playlists, etc. you make a bubble bath only to have it turn cold by the time you get settled in. hot chocolate is just a completely different story because it always ends up at not the right temperature and then when it is the right temperature, i cannot finish it fast enough. music playlists get repetitive and annoying after 10 or so play-throughs. sigh. although, do you know what one thing always makes me feel completely relaxed no matter what? just kidding, i can't really think of anything. i just didn't want this to be entirely whiny.
right now i am re-playing various bits of really old favorite country songs off my semi-screwy itunes. this is relaxing.
the outrageous lines have formed at the university bookstore, professors have given their "why to come to class" (or 9/11 conspiracy theory) speeches, our campus' evangelical preachers have mounted their pedestals, and one marilyn monroe has already been pulled on state street, accidentally by me. on the first day, i was kind of in love with school. i count on knowing that the first day of school will come around once a year, and i am almost fearful for when i will lose that new year's-esque holiday. but now, after a long and grueling whooole 4-day week, i am tired which implies cranky and a whole lot of other not so pleasant moods. at least i have a new obsession, ALIAS!!! it's just that good. i will now ignore all of my new homework, and instead, focus on finishing the first 2 seasons before break.
important: does anyone know of a decent place to order decent art pieces as posters online?!?! posters.com, art.com, and barewalls.com are all lame. i wrote down a few of my favorite pieces (more like 20) from the Leeum Samsung contempo art museum and would love love love to have all of them in poster print so i can cover my walls and stare at them for hours! i will pay top dollar! do you like beanie babies? did i mention vintage? er, let's face it, that is pretty much the only thing that i have in mass quantity that i would be willing (or more than willing) to give up. how pathetic.
this semester must work on: 90% honesty and not trying to impress strangers
time to go to english class with nobody that i know expect for a sort of acquaintance from Bradley. awkward.
